Ladies and gentlemen (and especially ladies), welcome to the Sports Kabob, a skewered look at the world of sports and pop culture.
Here are the top stories:
There were rain and hail storms on Tuesday, causing outages and damage throughout the Valley
Things were so bad on Tuesday that cable was knocked out of hundreds of homes, power was knocked out of thousands of buildings, and Derek Anderson was knocked out of his starting quarterback role
Undrafted rookie Max Hall has been named starting quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals against the Saints this week, replacing Derek Anderson.
And in future news, Derek Anderson has been named starting quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals, one day after Max Hall was sacked 10 times and brutally injured against the Saints
Cardinals coaches are excited BYU's Max Hall is getting the start at QB, saying he shows great leadership and a grasp for the game.
The only problem with naming Hall the starter is that the Cards now have to give 10% of all the points they score to the Mormon Church
Dwyane Wade was injured 3 minutes into the Miami Heat's first preseason game.
Says Lebron James "I had my fingers crossed during The Decision! I pick New York! NEW YORK!!"
The European team defeated the USA to win the Ryder Cup
The Americans rallied but could never get that close score-wise because of the Europeans' focus and skill, and physically because of the Europeans' bathing habits and body odor
After complaining about his contract earlier this season, and arguing with his coaches earlier this week, Randy Moss was traded from the Patriots to the Vikings.
"These series of events are shocking!" says person who's never heard of Randy Moss or the Patriots.
Washington Redskins running back Clinton Portis will be sidelined four to six weeks with a groin injury.
Experts say this is the worst groin related news to come from DC since Bill Clinton was in the office
Liverpool's board agreed to sell the debt-riddled Premier League club to the owners of the Boston Red Sox on Wednesday, but may have to take legal action to force out the existing American owners.
The Red Sox owners say they will be a perfect fit for the Liverpool club, since they are used to overpaid, underperforming players and drunk, annoying fans with funny accents
Zenyatta did it again Saturday at Hollywood Park. The undefeated mare scored her 19th consecutive win in the Grade 1 Lady's Secret Stakes, reeling in Switch in the deep stretch and winning by a half-length.
Zenyatta is now the most successful female horse other than Sarah Jessica Parker
Chicago Bulls forward Carlos Boozer had surgery Tuesday on his fractured right hand and is expected to miss two months
When I read the headline "Boozer to be gone for 2 months" I thought it was a story about Lindsay Lohan going to rehab.
That's all for this week, leave comments, follow me on Twitter, and remember this is Jarrett Carlen saying you know it's fall when the leaves change, the weather gets cool and the Yankees beat the Twins in the playoffs.
For more of my observations on the world of sports, as well as politics, entertainment and current events, follow me on twitter @JarrettGC.