It's impossible to cover Larry Fitzgerald -- even in the offseason

Apparently, somebody forgot to tell Fitz that the clock expired on the Cardinals campaign this past New Year's Day. Remember that game against Seattle? Dude de Fitz snagged 9 balls for 149 yards in the season finale. (We're talking a second half so fast & furious, that even the sideline radio pencilneck found himself asking the trainers for an oxygen mask.)

Then, the clock hit :00 and Larry ran one last ‘Go' route into the offseason.

That is, if you want to call it an "off"season. Because, for Larry, it's been like so "on." Onward. Oncoming. Ongoing. Onslaught. Onboard.

In fact, as a mere onlooker, Paulie Bystander has marveled at how Larry has turned this offseason into a spectator sport. Yes, we've been paying attention from afar. And, ahem, as a former All-Santa Teresa League safety my own self (read: High School Harry), uh, well, hang on, we'll spare you the Uncle Rico soliloquy. Instead, just to illustrate the no-huddle schedule being kept by the 6x Pro Bowler, we will now break into a backpedal and attempt to shadow Fitz here in 2012.

In other words, my people (uh, me) got together with Larry's people (Team Fitz) and, along with a few text messages I exchanged w/Larry himself, we've constructed the following itinerary (w/special thanks to Twitter).

Here we go, to date:

Jan 2 - Larry Fitzgerald attends Fiesta Bowl, meets with Condoleezza Rice

Jan 5 - Fitz retweets a fan who says she spotted him at Ronald Reagan Airport (Washington DC area)

Jan 7 - Attends Miami Heat/ New Jersey Nets game in Garden State

Jan 9 - Fitz reports that he's in Portland. As in Oregon, home of Nike Inc.

Jan 9 - Fitz leads a CrossFit class at Nike

Jan 9 - Fitz speaks at a Lance Armstrong Livestrong Event

Jan 9 - Fitz tweets out PSA with Anquan Boldin about drought & famine in East Africa (oxfamamerica.com/BoldinFitzgerald)

Jan 10 - Returns to AZ

Jan 11 - At Nike shoot with Jerry Rice for commercial to air during Olympics

Jan 11 - Attends LA Clippers/Miami Heat game in Los Angeles

Jan 14 - Makes first reference to his cameos in the Kobe- System Nike commercial

Jan 14 - Meets with new UCLA coach Jim Mora (Attn Coach Mora: no eligilibility left)

Jan 14 - Goes on NFL Network Game Day Final studio show w/crew & Donovan McNabb; briefly reunited with now TV analyst Kurt Warner

Jan 17th - Vacation: Via text message, Larry shares that he has "been to Mexico, Dominican Republic, Turks and Caicos and the Bahamas." (Attn Coach W: we didn't ask Larry if he went bungee-jumping or swimming with sharks; we don't want to know either.)

Jan 24th - Jan 30th: Pro Bowl.

Feb 5th - Will attend Super Bowl in Indianapolis

Feb 6th - Back in AZ; maximize family time with son.

February - Larry reports that he is "off to South America, including the Galapagos Islands, Ecuador, Easter Island, Chile, Argentina, doing an Amazon rain forest hike in Brazil, then Panama for my first trip…"

March - Larry adds that he has yet "to finalize my March trip yet…"

At this point, we can only conclude the following: if Larry keeps this up, he won't need any extra cardio work for the high-altitude of Flagstaff.

More importantly, Paulie Pronto wants to know if someone would please hurry it up with that oxygen tank? We're dying over here…!!